


Dreamscape

by oshi



Series: After-verse [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Post-CACW, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Team as Family, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 21:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7861561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oshi/pseuds/oshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>There's something deceptively calm about Thor.</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	Dreamscape

**Author's Note:**

> I took some liberties and if that offends I do apologize. This _is_ AU-ish.  
>  That being said, please enjoy; any and all constructive criticism is appreciated.

There's something deceptively calm about Thor. Before with the Chitauri, and when he was newly banished, new to Earth, he was rash. He didn't hide his emotions and even when he managed to cover them the air around him seemed filled with power, with thunder, and with promise. Now, as Tony watches Thor talk with Rhodey and Vision about the war there is no heavy haze around him and the only telling sign that he's upset is the set of his jaw. It's tight as he listens to Rhodey, like he needs to keep all the words in. Tony wonders if he's angry over the Accords or something else. Thor had dropped down harassed looking enough, although a mad titan would surely do that to anyone, but this is a newer development. This _calm facade_ puts Tony on edge. Thor, certainly, knows how to drop his bombs and Tony doesn't really want to know how this will play out for him.

He really wants a drink.

* * *

“Before you go, Mighty Vision, a word?”

“Yes Thor?”

“Where is the Man of Iron?”

“He is... around.”

* * *

The mansion suddenly seems too small with Thor there. There's room for him but Tony feels exposed again. Every time Thor looks his way he thinks of judgment and worthiness. He makes sure to keep several walls between him and Thor at all times. He doesn't hide in his labs so much, as he thinks that would be the obvious place to look, so between meetings he hides in his room. It's small by his usual standards. Modest and the same as every other bedroom in the mansion.

The color schemes are all muted shades of grays and browns and with the small windows casting flecks of light on the walls Tony thinks for a moment he might be safe. That there's no one coming for him here. So... he sleeps.

* * *

He dreams of an abyss of black over a small stone. Miles and light-years away from home.

He doesn't think he'll ever not dream of this place. The place between places. On one side the horrors of alien hordes beating down Earths door but on the other side of a stretch of pristine white.

Tony doesn't know what to think in the place between places; which nightmare will he choose?

* * *

“Parker?”

“Yes Mister Stark?”

“I appreciate the help but you're not my P.A. There's no need to follow me around everywhere.”

“Oh. Oh! Wow, yeah, sorry.” Peter's voice raises as he trips over his words. “I know that. I can do other stuff, projects! Yes! I can do projects.” Peter looks around wildly for a moment, brown eyes meeting brown. Tony lets his eyebrows raise; a silent 'go on'. “I will get right to that.”

He scampers away and Tony watches him trip over thin air and almost rocket into a door frame. _'I need to baby proof him.'_

* * *

He putzes around the lab, not really working on anything. It's silent, FRIDAY runs numbers while Tony walks around the perimeter of the room, remembering all the places his team has been. Bruce is everywhere, a ghost that Tony can see. A presence that makes the lab feel almost malevolent. He's tuned out the beeping of his robot children, his own little monsters. They're corralled off into a side shop, bumping into each other while trying to clean each other. It's poetic, that his first creations, the ones he made out of a selfish need to not want to be alone are so innocent. The one he created to protect everyone; the only child he's ever killed; that one was a true monster.

A series of rings cuts through the lab and Tony turns back to the holograms. FRIDAY's done running the numbers.

* * *

The place between places is gone. In it's stead, Thor watches him watch Rhodey fall back to Earth. Everyone he loves is dead but Thor... Thor looks at him and smirks. “I told you,” and he tosses Mjolnir in the air and catches it, “you're not worthy.” He steps towards Tony and raises the hammer. Thors smirk turns to laughter as he strikes down at Tony.

Tony wakes up silently, alone and wounded. _'I'm not worthy.'_

* * *

“For what reason is he avoiding me?”

“It's less you Thor, and more... well... something happened in Siberia. Something more, but Tones won't talk about it. I don't think it's necessarily you.”

But it is. _It is._

* * *

It takes five days after Tonys breakdown for Thor to corner him the first time. “Man of Iron,” Thor looks calm, still so calm, “Have you recuperated?” Tony doesn't quite know how to answer. Does Asgard have a basis for physiological scarring? Do Asgardians have a version of PTSD? Does Thor even understand what happened? Thor tilts his head to the side a bit and Tony flashes to the week he spent in Africa on a safari when he was very young.

Lions, as it turns out, can be very lazy. Powerful, definitely, but lazy. If they don't think something is worth the effort they don't go for it. But there had been a moment that a lion, keeping cool in the shade of their jeep, had looked at Tony. Just looked at him, head tilted to the side, eyes narrowed, deciding, if Tony was worth the effort of chasing. Of killing. Watching Thor watch him, Tony feels the same he did then. Small and weak, and foolish for thinking he could get that close to a predator without consequence.

When it seems that Thor isn't going to be more forthcoming Tony searches for his voice. “Yeah, yeah of course. I'm awesome.” Thors eyes narrow and Tony knows he's being assessed. It's terrifying just the same, but, in a less primal manner. Uncomfortable, he tries deflection. “How're you?”

"I am well, thank you." And then, “There is no need for you to dismiss your health Son of Stark.” Tony wonders if he did something to Thor, something that makes him incapable of using Tony's name.

“I'm not dismissing anything Point Break.” Tony shrugs, helpless to defend himself because he doesn't know what Thor _wants_. This would be a lot easier if he could just figure out what Thors endgame was.

“Very well,” and mercifully, Thor drops the subject. “Have you any news of our wayward comrades? Surely they could not have gone far.”

“Well, they're probably in Wakanda. It's the last place anyone would look for them and as badly as King T'Challa wanted the Accords, he hasn't exactly...” Tony pauses, because accusing the Black Panther, even in private, is not something to do lightly.

But Thor catches the pause and his eyes turn thoughtful. “Yes, for all that I have heard of this Black Panther, the noble James of House Rhodes tells me he has not signed the Accords.”

After a moment to think on _the noble James of House Rhodes_ , Tony plows on because Thor seems to be on the same page. “He didn't sign them. His father, King T'Chaka, called for the Avengers to be held accountable. I agreed, and so did he. There had to be some system of checks and balances. We can't-it's just, look, one hundred and seventeen countries are afraid of us. One hundred and seventeen countries filled with people we try to protect. I used to fight terrorists. I don't... I don't want to become one to these people.” He sucks in a breath, lets his body loosen on the exhale. “I thought T'Challa agreed. But after... well, _after_. He left for Wakanda and 'forgot' to sign. Maybe he was never going to sign.” And oh god, what if Thor isn't interested in signing. How is he supposed to stop the god of thunder. Thor will only be able to charge the suit if he uses his thunder, but, oh god, he'll only be able to take so many hits before he plummets to his end too. He opens his mouth to get it all out in a rush, words tripping over eachother.

“Not that that matters, really. It's okay Thor, I get it. You and Rogers have a history. I know we haven't exactly gotten along in the past and I get that I'm not exactly the best role model here, y'know, with my various character flaws. So, uhh, good luck. Just, don't do anything Avenger-y until you get to where ever Rogers is because-”

“My friend, you misunderstand!” Thor looks alarmed and maybe he should be because Tony is babbling. It's not something he's done lately, so caught up in his own head, but Thor seems to bring out the nervous fear in him. Tony chokes on his breath at the word friend because Thor has called him a lot of things but friend has never been among them. “Surely our... rogue teammates can be brought back to this land. To be brought back before your united nations.”

_'Thor is on my side?'_

“It's all here-say. I can't prove they're there and very few people have ever been able to get into Wakanda. Another war is not something we can afford. Plus King T'Challa has an entire nation he can throw to their defense. That's not the kind of thing to take lightly.” Tony can feel his voice get quieter as he speaks, because maybe that's what this is all about. He couldn't stop them then and he can't hold them accountable now. “Technically Thor, they're not Avengers anymore. They didn't sign the Accords. Neither have you, actually, so as far as the UN is concerned you're a vigilante too.” It hurts to burn this bridge but it's something he has to do. If Rogers found a problem with the accords than surely Thor will too. He's cut from a similar stock. There's better things for Thor to do than play nanny on Earth. He's a prince, even, so why should he have to ask for permission for anything when he can strike everyone down? “So, if you're going to look for Rogers, make sure you don't do anything Avenger-y until you find him.”

Tony desperately wants a drink.

* * *

“Peter.”

“Yes Mister Stark?”

“What... happened to your eye?”

“Uhhh... I dropped a stapler.”

“On. Your. Eye?”

“...yes?”

* * *

“Good James of the House Rhodes, may I make an inquiry?”

“Of course, what's up?”

“These... packages? They have not been opened? Yet I see they are stacked near the trash.”

“Ahhh.... funny thing about that...”

“Yes?”

“You might want to sit Thor, this... this will take a bit to explain. Bastard keeps changing the letter he sends...”

* * *

Tony can't breathe. His team, his friends all lay around him dead and Rhodey, oh god, Rhodey. Tony can't see him anymore through the portal. “You should help your comrade.” Thors voice comes from behind him. As Tony tries to move, to defend himself, Thor picks him up. Turning his head Tony opens his mouth to speak. Thor smiles, a nasty slash of his lips. “Let me assist you.”

Thor throws him through the portal.

* * *

“FRIDAY can you tell me where Vision is?”

“Sure Boss,” and her voice is a balm on the burn of losing JARVIS. She's not the same, no smooth British voice interacting with him playfully, but she could be. He wonders exactly what he did to make JARVIS seem so real, what little sequence of code he put into J's matrix. “Vision is currently in the kitchen with Colonel Rhodes.”

Tony misses JARVIS.

* * *

“So, these Accords, they are here to help the people understand that we will not leave them picking up the pieces that we scatter over their lands?”

“Yes, it'll also give the people the opportunity to have any one person who misuses their power held accountable. It would be hard to put, say, Vision or the Hulk on trial alone. The average citizen wouldn't be able to do it. But the Accords are an agreement between the United Nations and the Avengers as a whole saying we will allow the people to be able to hold us accountable if we do make a mistake. If we truly have done something so reprehensible that there needs to be justice, even against us.”

“I see, it is making sure no one person is above the people they serve.”

“To a degree. They're not perfect, but, if you would at least read it over. Tony's trying, and so am I. We do what we can, where we can.”

“Would you stay, Son of Rhodes? I will read these Accords but I find it would be best if perhaps you were close by should I need clarification.”

“Of course Thor, take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere.”

* * *

Tony watches Vision supervise Rhodeys acclimation to his braces. He's moved from using handrails to free walking. It's nerve wracking for Tony, who was sent to the other side of the room for hoovering too close. When Rhodey inevitably stumbles it isn't Tony who catches him.

He feels like a failure, and he wants another drink.

* * *

God does Tony want a drink. He wants it like salvation from a frigid cave. He needs it like pineapples after palladium. He needs a drink, and he wants it to burn. He needs it to burn. Burn like the sun, like the heat off of sand, like the rejection of a parent, like the betrayal of a friend. 

Like Peppers absence in his life.

* * *

He falls, and falls and falls. The air grows colder the closer he gets to the ground. His breath freezes in his lungs and he squeezes his eyes shut for the impact. When the impact doesn't come he opens his eyes. A solid concrete structure looms before him, it's metal doors laying on their hinges. A scream rips from Tony's throat.

Soft, fresh snow slowly drifts into his hair.

* * *

“FRIDAY?”

“Yeah, Boss?”

“Can you... talk? Anything, just, talk?”

There's a measured silence before, “Of course. Y'know I was accessing old data banks and working through the text and it seems to be that-”

* * *

Tony watches as Thor paces, measured steps against the tile of the kitchen. There's a letter in his hand, a phone in the other. Tony had noticed that the packages were being opened, but he didn't realize it was Thor. With every circuit he makes, the lines between his eyes become more pronounced, his frown deepens, his entire person seems to coil more tightly. As his turns become more agitated, as his eyes flick back to the top of the letter Tony lets himself wonder what Rogers could be saying to make that look cross Thors face.

* * *

“What is this?”

Peter Parker flinches at Tony's flat voice. “An... idea?”

Tony lets his eyes rove over the holograms, a private 'project' he had wanted Tony's opinion on. “Kid, this will get you killed-”

“Well, I appreciated the armor plating but it stifles my flexibility and-”

“And who didn't die when a truck was dropped on them!?”

“I caught that!”

“When you were sent flying into-”

“I have a responsibility too you know!”

The arguments die in Tonys mouth. Turn to ash at the way Peter's voice cracks, how he won't look Tony in the eye. “You're not responsible for the safety of anyone but yourself.”

“Don't you _get_ it?” Peter closes his eyes and Tony eyes the cut lip, the black eye and the lines that are showing up far to early to mark his face.

“I do get it, Peter, but you're going to get yourself killed in this.” Tony closes his eyes too, he's just so tired. “You need some sort of plating to stop friction from destroying your hands and feet. I see the way you swing around. I'm surprised you haven't had a spandex fire yet. You use your body as a weapon as well as your webs and you can't expect it to hold out on people in body armor. The extra plating over your chest, under your armpits and over your thighs are to offer up more protection from fatal shots,” He raises a hand to stop Peter from interrupting, “even if you can avoid them 99% of the time.” He opens his eyes and moves so he can look Peter in the eye. “I will not be responsible for your death.”

* * *

Thor stands to the side, stark red contrast against the grey walls of the Siberian bunker. He cocks his head to the side and watches as Barnes and Rogers beat Tony to the ground. He doesn't help them but he doesn't help Tony either. The battle is brutal and bloody. It seems to Tony that the fight lasts longer and longer. Barnes damages his arc reactor and Tony takes his metal arm in response. Rogers attacks with the ferocity of a rabid dog. Tony doesn't want to be here, he's tired of dreaming of this. He's tired of the judgment in Thor's eyes. Rogers smashes his shield into the damaged reactor and it sputters out. This is the moment where they leave and Tony freezes.

But Thor steps forward and puts his hand on Barnes' shoulder, slowly Barnes' cold eyes meet Thors. Thor offers him Mjolnir, and Barnes, he takes it. Tony wakes as the Winter Soldier moves to smash his skull in.

Unprompted FRIDAY starts talking, “Hey Boss, did you know that the unresolved files on EXTREMIS are still technically on our databases? I mean, I see here the note you left for JARVIS to destroy them but I see he kept a hidden file. I wonder why that was-” and it's not the same, her voice hasn't got the same tempo, too upbeat after his nightmare. But for now, as Tony struggles out of the blankets and sheets, as he wrestles himself off the bed and away from the dream, it's enough.

* * *

Thor corners him the second time after he has finally rehashed everything out with Rhodey and has managed to get into contact with the UN for a separate agreement. “I do not understand one thing friend Stark.”

Tony, refusing to meet the judgment in those eyes, keeps his eyes on his work. It's easy work, good work even. Just small details for the next suit. When Thors silence turns pointed Tony gathers his courage. “And what is that?” Tony's voice cracks on the few words. He suddenly isn't used to speaking out of meetings. He can't seem to find the words he used to have excess of. Is it possible to have already used all the allotted words for his lifetime?

“I am told by the Son of Rhodes that even if all of us had denied the Accords, something similar would have been forced upon us anyways. Was the Captain aware of this?” Tony finally looks up. Thor's eyes are distant and Tony doesn't know what he could possibly be seeing.

“I... tried to tell him. I don't,” Tony pauses as Thors eyes refocus. He looks back down, at his work, where he's _safe_. “I don't think he believed me.”

Thor places his hand on Tonys shoulder for a moment before leaving him to his work. Tony cannot tell if it was supposed to be a gesture of comfort or if it was supposed to showcase how fragile he must be to a man with thunder in his blood.

* * *

" _Who_ is this, Soldier of Winters?"

"The Winter Soldier is an assassin who is accredited with-"

"That is not what I mean, and you know it. Who could this man be that the Captain would abandon his post? His responsibilities?"

Tony watches from his labs as Rhodey admits to Thor who the Soldier is. Talks about war heroes and years of friendship. Tony lets his eyes take in Thors posture. How he favors his right side, as if gearing to attack. How his feet are evenly spaced, to be able to move either way at a moments notice. He lets the voices wash over him and flicks his gaze to Rhodey who's waving to someone out of the frame. Vision steps into the kitchen and the conversation becomes heated.

For all of his time on Earth, Thor doesn't seem to understand how humans work.

* * *

Tony browses the web, pulling up websites from his archives and dismissing them as needed. An alcohol wholesale website pops up next. Tony feels his mouth dry.

Sometimes Tony feels as if he is dying again. It's a feeling that's slow to come but once it's present it can't be gotten rid of. His mouth dries and stays dry no matter how much water he drinks. Food loses it's taste, the consistency thick and chunky like tar no matter what he eats. The very air seems stale and nothing can catch his interest. He stares at computer screens willing something to come to mind, he draws endless lines into mazes of each other and backtracks across old files and designs trying to get inspired.

It's the moment he wants the blind numbness of drunken oblivion. But Tony has never thought of himself as a strong man and doesn't know if he could walk away from that irresponsible bliss.

* * *

Thor once again hands over Mjolnir to Barnes. Tony tries to stand, if he has to die again he'll do it standing, but Rogers puts his foot on the dead reactor and presses down. He's trapped. As thunder rumbles in the distance and lightning shoots across the sky Tony dies again.

* * *

“Great Vision-”

“Please Thor, Vision is fine.”

“You honor me Vision.” A pause, “Have I done something offensive to our friend Anthony of House Stark?”

“It is not so much what you have done Thor, so much, as I think it is what you haven't done.”

“What have I not done?”

“You have not chosen a side.”

* * *

“I don't understand FRIDAY...” and Tony doesn't. He's been at this latest upgrade for hours already and for some reason all the simulations he's run have failed. It doesn't make sense, it's a simple mathematical-

A secondary hologram pops up with several strings of text highlighted, red marring the blue images. “I think if you'll look at these Boss, you'll see that older upgrades of the same caliber have always had these base algorithms. This new upgrade will take less space up on the servers if we cut all the obsolete data, true, but if you try merging-” for a moment Tony just stares. _'FRIDAY's growing up.'_ Tony's smile is a small upturn to his lips, a delicate thing on a face revenged by sorrow.

* * *

Tony finds another ripped open package next to the garbage. The tape is shredded, the cardboard crushed in places. There are shards of black plastic littering the bottom of the box and one sheet of crumpled paper sitting on the floor next to the trash. Curious Tony reaches for it, and opens. It's Rogers handwriting, slanted in a familiar pitch. What stands out the most is the witches name. He's worried about her, he says, she's angry and not sleeping much.

It's a bitter punch to his stomach, to read his concern for her, and know there is none for himself.

* * *

“Tell me, Iron Man, did you ever think yourself worthy? Never, would Mjolnir answer to you.” So he hands over the hammer again. So Barnes swings again. It's cold, and Tony is tired. He dies with a wet thud as snow slowly swirls above them all. The cold Siberian landscape oppressive in it's vastness.

* * *

“Noble-”

“Thor, please, just call me James.”

“Thank you James. Has... Has the Man of Iron spoken to you at all? He seems so... so quiet.”

Tired hands press to strained eyes. “Yeah, Tony does that. As long as he's blaming himself he'll be quieter. This one, this one will take longer to bounce back from.” A pause, “This one was bad.”

* * *

Tony places a packet of paper in front of Peter. “If you're going out there again, you're signing some form of this. Start reading.”

* * *

Thor paces in front of Vision “So, he sends this _abomination_? This letter?”

Vision nods. “And a cell phone, ah, _just in case_. Even though having it could get Tony in serious trouble-United Nations trouble.”

“This is vile!” The newest letter is thrown into the trash, and then calmer, “If he knows that this letter is being rejected, thrown out... Why keep sending them?”

“Honestly, Thor? I believe Captain Rogers thinks he is on the higher ground so to speak. That Tony's rejection of his... apology, is a rejection of the only olive branch available to either of them. I believe that no matter what happens... I believe Captain Rogers will never think that there could have been any other option. For him the answer always seems to be his way... or war.”

* * *

Dum-E runs into the table, then the chair, then the wall and finally makes it back to his charging station. Tony frowns, Dum-E shouldn't be that klutzy. He bites his bottom lip and reaches for a tablet, rewinding the lab security footage. Something must have happened.

* * *

It takes another week and some days for Thor to corner Tony again. This time Tony's in the small kitchen opposite the lounge, coffee slowly dripping into his mug. He designed it to be an open space, allowing for any one person to be able to see into either room. The windows are tall slivers of glass allowing the golden glows of the setting sun to cascade down the floor and walls. Tony is alone and then suddenly he isn't.

Tony has never thought himself to have much situational awareness outside of a battle. He's usually doing something on a tablet or physically involved in a project. He's never had the free time, the blank nothingness of inactivity to truly appreciate how gut instincts feel. He's never had experience with the hair on the back of his neck raising, of eyes boring into the back of his head.

“I must apologize friend.” Tony stares resolutely at the coffee maker. He can't turn around, can't see Mjolnir, can't see Thor. “I do not know what I have done, but I do not like the silence you surround yourself with now. It... It is unlike you. Are you well?”

Tony lets his head sink down, gathers his coffee cup and slips around Thor, not wanting to touch him. A murmur of “Of course.” muffled around the rim of his mug.

He feels Thors eyes on him all the way down the hall. He wishes, not for the first time, that there was still alcohol around.

* * *

“I don't think I can do it Tones... I just, I can't get it on. I feel the metal and... and it's like I'm falling all over again. But it's worse than free falling. I couldn't even feel the wind, or see the ground. One moment I was falling and then I wasn't. I'm, I don't... Tony what if I can't do this?”

“You're the strongest person I know. I'll stand by you, whatever you decide. But, for the record, if anyone can come back from this it's you.”

* * *

“I don't want to be here anymore.” Rogers looks down at him, his face twisted in anger. In rage and Tony knows in seconds the shield will come down again. “I'm tired Steve, let me go.”

* * *

“It's called a dreamscape.” Thors voice is loud in the quiet workshop. Tony sucks a ragged breath in, forces his muscles to loosen on the exhale. Absolutely no situational awareness. “It's how the Scarlet Witch shows people... well, whatever she decides to show them.”

Tony keeps his eyes on his work, but he does turn the precision blowtorch off. “I don't see why that matters Thor. That's in the past.”

“I don't think it is.”

“And. Why. Would. That. Be?” Tony doesn't want to talk about this at all. In fact if he could wake up from _this_ nightmare that would be awesome.

He hears shuffling but Thor doesn't seem to move closer. Tony turns enough to keep Thor in his peripheral vision under the guise of reaching for more wires. “She is untrained and ruled by her emotions. Am I right in guessing that you still dream of what she showed you?” Tony clenches his teeth. “As long as she continues to use emotion to influence her power she will never have true control. In other words, she will never be able to end what she starts. She can bring people into the dreamscape but she doesn't know how to end the nightmare.”

“Is this supposed to make me feel better Thor?”

Thor shifts his weight again, _hot pink sweatpants_ Tony notes _where did Thor get hot pink sweatpants?_ , “I watched as well as I could while in Asgard and I had Heimdall keep watch when I couldn't. She grew close to the others, forgave them. But... you left and she never reconciled with you. As long as she still feels that anger towards you, as long as that feeling can be fueled, your nightmares will not end.” A pause, “I could go with you into the dreamscape, help-”

“Thank you for that absolutely unnecessary lecture, Hammer Time, but I'm fine.” Tony turns his blowtorch back on and turns away from Thor. There's an empty liquor cabinet in the lounge. He washes it wasn't empty.

* * *

He thinks about his dreams in the quiet hours before dawn, when he's been up all night and can't function enough to think about anything else. The bile and panic he tastes the moments after he wakes. How could Thor know?

* * *

“Reports show that Spider-Man has-” Tony scans the screens and searches out Peter Parkers lithe form. He's okay, banged up, but webbing himself away from a squad of police cars. He hasn't signed the accords yet but instead keeps giving Tony back a pile of red-marked papers. Each time there's a bit less red.

Tony switches the television off as the news moves onto a different story. He's okay, he's okay, he's alive.

* * *

Days later FRIDAY turns on the television in the lounge as he's making his first cup of coffee. “Boss, you might wanna see this.” So Tony looks and watches, shocked as Thor signs the accords. He's dressed in finer armor than Tony has ever seen. It's not functional looking. All the interlocking silver plates seem like they would restrict more movement than allow and the chain-mail looks thinner than spiderweb, intricate in a way midgardian chain-mail isn't. It's beautiful in a way that enhances Thors physique but doesn't look protective. It looks delicate but Thor wears it easily. Mjolnir swings at his hip, a constant presence. Thor smiles and laughs as he answers questions and shakes hands.

Tony feels a pang of longing as the nations leaders smile back at Thor. His own signing had felt like a funeral, not because the accords would end what life he had, but because it was a silent affair. A somber one, where eyes full of loathing had followed his every movement.

So Tony waits and watches and sips his coffee.

* * *

Tony knew that Thor knew how to drop bombs. He just never realized that they wouldn't be against him.

* * *

“Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things.” Rogers voice is full of disappointment and his face is closed off, blank, and Tony thinks, _I did this_.

“Then we do that together too.”

“My faith's in... people, I guess. Individuals.”

Tony watches the shield come down at him again and again and again. It's a twisted nightmare he can't shake.

“I'm happy to say that for the most part, they haven't let me down.”

_I didn't mean to let you down._

* * *

Tony waits on the couch in the lounge. It's an ugly couch really, a chocolate brown thing to match the rest of the brown décor. It's sleek and elegant, comfortable, and it matches **everything**. Tony looks around the blank room and knows there is no life here. He hasn't seen Vision in days and Rhodey has spent more time with Thor talking about the Accords than with Tony. Even with FRIDAY, he's lonely.

In his musings he doesn't notice Thor return but when he looks to his left as the couch dips Thor is there.

There is a moment of silence and then “Did Heimdall really tell you where to find them Thor?”

Thor smiles, a laugh rumbling in his chest, “No. Loki was not the only Asgardian adept at lying." Thor is looking at him, smiling and Tony doesn't see the negativity he thought would be there. So... he smiles too.

* * *

Thor drags Tony out of solitude. He first takes him to the kitchen and then back to the lounge. Vision pops in as well and Rhodey sticks to Tony like glue as well as he can. He's always touching Tony; a hand at his elbow, a hand at the small of his back, a smile and a wave, anything to include Tony into conversations. Vision seems to come a bit more alive as well.

With Wanda he had seemed happy, content. It was as if he had learned every positive emotion there was to learn. Tony, having had little time to see it, loves the quirks he has. The cocked eyebrow, the twitch of his lips. They seem familiar somehow and it strikes Tony some time later that they're familiar because they're Tonys quirks. _'I learned it from watching you.'_ Not just a PSA.

_'My kid's all grown up...'_

* * *

“Hey Thor?” Tony's voice still cracks sometimes, two days of use not enough to undo months of disuse.

“Yes?” Thor looks up, eyes bright and happy, overly happy, to have been addressed by Tony.

“Why... why did you pick,” _my side_ “the Accords?” Thor sobers, letting the smile drift away.

“I am a prince my friend. For all that I am a warrior, I am a prince. I have always been told that one day I will rule. One day, the people will answer to me. My father, he always made sure that I was strong, both physically and mentally. It's a lot of stress to put on one mans shoulders. He taught me that I must be able to direct a battle but also join in the battle. I need to have the words to stop wars before they begin but I must also know how to communicate without speaking a word. I must know how to punish those that have broken the laws fairly. I must know how to put my own feelings aside and give each matter the utmost care. He taught me to be strong when others would have me weak and he taught me to never show my fears. He taught me to be immovable and unstoppable at the same time.” Thor smiles again, but it's smaller, sadder.

“My mother let him teach me to rule with my strength. She, however, taught me how to rule with my heart. She was a healer and often spent time among those that she cared for. She took Loki and I too see them once. We watched, a little ways off as she talked to them. When we had walked in, they had been quiet, sad even. But when she entered they became more. I had never seen what just one person could do. When I was brave enough, I ventured over to a man sick to the point of death. He was a warrior and I wanted to do for him what my mother did for others. I fear I was useless at it, but we spoke. I was young and spoke out of turn often... He appreciated it though, I think. I sat with him for the day, learning about everything he had seen and done. I learned of his family and his hopes for them... For just a moment, I was able to help him forget his pain.

“When I had to leave, he bowed his head as any subject should do to a royal. I was too young to have been made crown prince, but he gave me that respect anyway.

“I learned that day that power over people is one thing, but to have their trust, their love, is another. In just one day my mother had taught me that I, as a prince or king, am only as good as the people who are loyal to me. I will only ever be as good as they trust me to be. If I treat them poorly then I am a poor ruler. But if I treat them with compassion, with the respect they deserve, and kindness... then I will have the strength of the people above me. Because that is where a King belongs, under his people, lifting them up.

“One thing that stuck with me, my friend, was when you said you did not wish to become a terrorist to the people you wished to protect. You wanted them to trust you to help and not harm. It's a hard path to walk down, one fraught with disadvantages to those who would do as they please. But I believe it to be the right one.

“I have seen these past few weeks, that you have been burdened with the peoples suffering. James and the Vision have both shown me what people, what leaders, have said about you. How they mock and accuse you of being solely to blame. The nasty things that must be weighing you down.” Thor pauses, “You are very brave to hold yourself to their words and even stronger to suffer alone and in silence.”

Tony's eyes feel wet and Thor moves slowly to brush the stray tears. “You need not suffer alone anymore.” Thor is a golden blur, but his fingers are warm on Tony's skin.

* * *

It occurs to Tony then just how far he'd pushed everyone else he knows away.

* * *

The same day Rhodey packs a bag and finds Tony teaching Vision how to play poker. It's a lesson in failure so far as Vision doesn't seem to understand the concept of betting or why certain numbers are lucky to players. Sure he's connected to the internet and understands the basis of the entire game but he doesn't understand the **point** of such trivial games when he could be doing something more worthwhile. Tony looks up when Rhodey clears his throat.

Tony's face falls when he sees the bag and chalks the entire thing up to another one of his failures. “Tones,” and he sounds apologetic, but not angry. “I'm meeting with a new therapist. I need... I know that you and Vision,” He nods to Vision, “have been here for me. I know you've tried to help and I appreciate it. But I think I need to talk to a professional. I need to overcome this. I'm not leaving for good but I've got an appointment early tomorrow in D.C. And I want to be in the city by tonight so I can't talk myself out of it tomorrow morning. I... I'm coming back. I just need to talk to someone who isn't, well, an Avenger.”

Tony smiles and gets off the couch, “I understand,” and he pulls out his wallet, “Take this, you're a signer so you shouldn't have any trouble. Take whatever time you need, you deserve whatever you want.” And they part ways. Rhodey hugging Tony strictly longer than necessary, but it's nice. As he leaves and Tony returns to Vision all he can think is _you deserve better than me_.

He tries, and fails, not to think of the empty liquor cabinet.

* * *

Thor stares impassively at the scene. Tony is bleeding out and Steve has stepped back, letting Barnes take his place. He hefts Mjolnir up and smashes it downwards.

Tony watches the snow through the pillars swirl in whimsical patterns until the darkness overtakes him.

* * *

Thor finds him hours later, staring resolutely at the shafts of light reflecting on the hardwood floor. “It is good, Son of Stark, that James has gone to receive the help he needs.” When Tony looks up Thors eyes are full of something he can't name. “My mother hailed from Vanaheim, a realm gifted with the art of healing. I learned enough from her to know that no one person can live without receiving help. It is a strength, not a weakness, to know when to ask for assistance.” He crouches down to eye level with Tony and the shafts of sunlight surround him with gold. “Everyone should know they can ask for help.”

“Feels like I failed him.”

Thor lets out a soft breath of air and sits next to him. He doesn't say anything else, just acts as a strong and steady presence should Tony need it. When Tony finally lets himself lean into Thor, resting his head on a should far stronger than he'd ever given credit, he still says nothing.

Thor, for a moment, lets Tony Stark be weak.

* * *

“Stop,” but Barnes doesn't and “Please.” But Rogers doesn't. Thor watches from the wall as Tony feels himself freeze, unable to stop himself from falling. He closes his eyes right before Rogers swings the shield down. Then opens them when the shield never hits. Thor sits near him, golden in the setting sun. Rogers and Barnes are nowhere in sight.

Tony chokes on a sob as Thor reaches out. The snow thickens, darkness threatens the horizon and Thors hand is large and calloused. Tony lets the tears out as both darkness and Thors hand fall.

* * *

If this life is a punishment for what he did in a past life, Tony doesn't want to know what comes next. How many other ways can he be made to suffer? It's a mercy that Thor is here. With the witch incapacitated and Barton out of arrows it's easy to keep them from running. Romanov seems to understand that as well as she takes to insulting everyone and everything. She's trying to go for the kill.

It feels cheap, her anger. She played the double agent and now has the audacity to be angry that she's on the wrong side. He warned her.

And after a particularly vicious comment on how Tony must not understand any type of friendship at all he snaps. “You lied to me!” But that's only scratching the surface. “I thought I could trust you and you lied to me! I don't even know if I'm more angry at you for betraying me again or me for believing you.”

Thor has Rogers pinned to the ground under Mjolnir. Which is nice for Tony to see, at least he knows that Rogers and he both are unworthy. “You have had past dealings with the Widow?”

Tony laughs a humorless chord. “She stabbed me-”

“I saved your life!”

“I DIDN'T WANT SAVING.” His words are punctuated with reactor blasts, and Barton has grabbed Romanov and thrown himself on top of her, to protect her from Tony.

“Tony?”

Tony sees a golden blur and knows before the armor sensors pick up the feeling of warm fingers that Thor is there. “I didn't, I don't deserve saving.”

* * *

In the aftermath of the rouge avengers being arrested Tony sits on the mauled couch in his destroyed lounge. Vision sits next to him and, blindly, Tony reaches out. His hand finds Visions and he holds on tighter than he's ever held onto anything in his life.

“Do you really think of me as your child?” Tears blurring his vision Tony nods, “I didn't know you still felt that protective of me.”

The tears dry up and an ugly feeling rises in his chest, seeming to pulse in his sternum, a knot of emotions he's ignored and left unacknowledged. “You wouldn't be who you are without the care I put into creating and raising JARVIS. I know you aren't him. You're your own person but you are _mine_.” The feeling rears against his chest and he can feel the false cover on his sternum bend under the pressure. The feeling is foreign and ugly. “If she ever does that to you again I'll kill her.” His thoughts are savage and he's built all types of weapons, sure, but he's never wanted to use them.

He's never wanted blood like this.

Vision moves closer to Tony, and rests his head on Tony's shoulder. _I love you,_ Tony thinks, and _I'll always protect you_.

* * *

“Tony what happened in Siberia?” Rhodeys voice is a soft murmur, lighter than rain on leaves.

“I told you-”

“Tony.”

Tony rubs a joint under U's arm. There's a possible stress fracture in the metal, the way U's been unable to properly hold anything. He thinks about what he can do to replace it without having to replace all of the arm. “Zemo played a video for me.”

“What?”

“A video, that's all.” His finger snags a bit and Tony moves his finger back and forth over the slight bend of metal. This means reinforcements. He'll make U's metal stronger so it doesn't break like this again.

"Tones, man, come on."

"Did you know the Winter Solider is accredited with the assassinations of Maria and Howard Stark?" He grabs a tablet to bring up U's schematics. Rhodey is silent.

Tony wants a drink.

* * *

After London Tony had reached out to Jane Foster. He'd wanted to base her in New York, an incentive to keep Thor close by. But after a few awkward phone conversations he dropped it. Getting yelled at by an angry and scared astrophysicist is not something he wants to repeat. He'd also felt a certain amount of inadequacy when talking to her. She'd yelled about how he couldn't possibly want Thors best interests at heart because he hadn't helped in London and he didn't know anything.

Anything like Thors mother and brother.

It occurs to Tony how rude he's been. He isn't the only one grieving.

”My Mother would have liked you.” Tony jumps, startled and whips around at Thors voice. It's low and measured like Thor believes Tony to be a wild animal. Like Thor thinks Tony will let himself fall when Tony cannot fall. There's still so much to atone for. “You hold yourself accountable for every one of us. She, I think, would like you.” Thors voice is sadder now, little more than a rumble in his throat. “You deserve more than you have been given Son of Stark.”

Tony thinks he's referring to the latest press barrage in the aftermath of Thor and Rogers argument which still somehow paints Tony as the bad guy.

Tony still, to some degree, cannot believe Thor picked the Accords. Thor had always been closer to Rogers. Tony isn't a soldier and doesn't understand that kind of easy camaraderie. “Thank you.” and then, because he was thinking about it, and Thor opened the door, “I'm sorry about your mother. Jane Foster told me about what happened. I wouldn't... I would never wish that loss on anyone.” Tony pauses, doesn't know if he should poke at the next wound. “And for Loki too. I won't pretend to understand your love but I'm an only child so... I'm sorry.” He feels it doesn't do justice to what Thor must be feeling. He's had years to rationalize the loss of his parents, to miss and grieve and he knows what it feels like. His words feel hollow and empty.

But Thor, good, golden Thor, says, “All the weeks I have spent with our other teammates and I find you are the only one who remembered.” Loki's name goes unspoken. Thor smiles, a small fragile thing, “My mother definitely would have liked you.”

Tony and Thor stare at each other, not quite at common ground but maybe close to it.

Tony wonders why after all this time Thor doesn't call him by his name. He calls him Thor, it's how he introduced- “You can call me Tony y'know.” And Thor smiles.

* * *

“Hindsight is twenty-twenty.”

“That is an odd phrase.”

“It means that we see the past clearer then how we experienced it. I... I keep making mistakes Thor. Did you know that Wilson tried to catch Rhodey too? But, we both failed and... He was trying to apologize and I attacked him too.”

“Perhaps that was for the best.” At Tony's disbelieving look, Thor explains. “Sentiment aside, he was the enemy. Should you have paused, waited for him to finish whatever he wanted to say, then attacked? Would he have escaped? Would he have gone to assist the Captain and the Soldier of Winter?”

“I still feel like an ass.”

“Perhaps he should not have followed a blind leader.”

* * *

He dreams of the Siberian bunker. He can't stop himself from meeting them, form working with them, from fighting them. But Thor no longer assists in the fighting. While he's being beaten down Thor is right outside of the fight. He's looking in and Tony doesn't understand what Dream-Thor wants. “Stop.” Is a mantra he says while fighting Barnes and Rogers, unable to stop his movements or theirs. “Please.” He's thrown down and Rogers raises his shield. “I don't want to be here anymore.” and he closes his eyes.

He feels a soft brush of fingers at his temple and cannot tell if he's dreaming anymore. “Please.” He whispers anyways.

* * *

“Why did you compare Barnes to Loki?”

“The Soldier Barnes, he is to the Captain what Loki was to me. I would give anything to have been able to put Loki anywhere but a prison. It was like locking away a part of my soul. No matter how little he loved me, no matter how he felt. I will always love him Tony. He was always my blind spot.”

“I'm sorry.”

“How I fought Loki, how I reacted to the situation he presented. It was hard and I was alight with loathing for myself. But it was necessary. I could not hold him above the well being of the many." A pause and then, "I asked him to come home during the battle with the Chitauri... He stabbed me.”

“What was he like? Before?”

* * *

U and Dum-E press around Thor and delightedly Thor pets them. It's strange to see Thor petting them, as if they are adorable creatures instead of hard metal and rough wires. Butterfingers rolls up and joins the fray, unable to hide away for long. For once, they're out of the workshop, cycling around the house. It's good for them, to move around and not be stuck in one place.

Thor laughs suddenly and Tony watches and he's pulled down to a sitting position and poked and prodded by the bots. It's nice to see someone else treat them gently.

* * *

Thor looks like he's in pain, which is funny to Tony because Tony is the one being beaten. He reaches out repetitively, compulsively, as if to hold Tony's hand. Tony wants to take it some nights. When the beating stops and the cold settles in. But by then it's far too late.

* * *

Thor eyes the empty liquor cabinet, “Why have one if you have no ale?”

Tony turns to eye the offending piece of furniture. “I dunno, I didn't really have the lounge changed when I refurbished the place. I just made sure that the contractors knew that the alcohol was to go.”

“But why?”

Tony thinks to the dreams, to the endless amount of work, to the festering hole in his chest. “Because... if I start drinking again, Thor, I'll never stop.” Thor stands and walks to the cabinet. He crouches in front of it and it's a gorgeous piece of work. Cedar with a high polish and stained glass paneling across the top and bottom of the glass. It's pretty in a way that screams wealth. “I hate it, really.”

Thor turns to Tony, looking for something and he must find it because he picks up the entire cabinet. It's a good three feet high, Thor should not be able to do that alone, but he does. He sets it next to the swept up remains of furniture the contractors have yet to remove after this newest renovation.

Tony smiles into his coffee.

* * *

Peter raps his fingers against the newest pack of papers. There's minimal red, very minimal. “You can't hide your identity and be held accountable.” Peters lips tighten. “But you are still just in school...”

Tony looks around the room, trying to get some sort of inspiration. But there isn't any, not in this room anyways. It's a Stark Industries conference room, currently on black out procedures. Tony wishes he'd moved this to his R&D area. There's always inspiration there. In this room there's only an inspirational poster with sand dunes on it.

Tony grimaces, why sand dunes he'll never understand. Nothing good comes out of deserts. Unbidden, Tony can hear Yinsen. _'Don't waste your life.'_

“I don't plan on wasting my life-I, I thought we were past-”

Tony cuts Peter off, “No, not you.” He didn't realize he'd said that out loud. “Here's what we're going do Peter.”

* * *

Rogers and Barnes are the perfect tag-team. Obvious years of fighting together coming to the surface, showcasing their strength and ability. Barnes handles the shield as well as Rogers and they act as a flawless unit.

Idly, while receiving a beating he cannot stop, Tony wonders if this is why his father held Rogers and Barnes in such high esteem. They aren't winded, they look like they're having fun, bouncing back and forth to each other, and Tony is bloody.

Bloody and broken and old. When the hits stop coming he lets his eyes focus on his combatants. Thor is conspicuous only in his absence. Without Mjolnir to crush him with Barnes turns to his superior strength.

Being thrown off the bunker is terrifying but the snow falls with him and Tony has never appreciated art, but this? This is a landscape worth painting.

* * *

“My mother played the piano for me. My dad was always kind of too busy for me. I just got underfoot in all of his meetings. My mother tried though.” Tony looks off to the new lounge, the new front doors, the new, bigger, windows. The new piano. “I miss her more than him. I was an extension of him I think, but for my mother? For my mother I was everything.”

“Do you play?”

“Ahh, a little. Haven't in years though.”

* * *

“The first time Loki lied it was to protect me. We had been running, playing where we were not meant to. We stumbled and I knocked over a vase that was gifted from family in Vanaheim. My mother was furious... He tried to protect me from that... But I ended up arguing with her, I had done it. I knew he wanted to protect me but I wanted to protect him too.”

* * *

“My father was friends with Rogers during World War II. He would compare me to him growing up. I always felt like I could never measure up. Not in any way that mattered.”

* * *

“I was always jealous of the ease in which Loki used the gift of magick. He seemed to barely work for it, it always came naturally to him. I only ever inherited my mothers natural healing abilities. Even then, I had to work tirelessly to master what I had.”

* * *

Rogers watches as Barnes throws Tony off the side of the bunker. He's falling, falling, falling and when he hits, he hits cold rock in an alien world. Tony chokes on his screams as Rogers and Barnes eye him from the other side of the portal. 

“Why have you come here?” asks a soft, familiar, voice.

Tony had thought that this part of his nightmare was over. But it isn't, so he finally lets himself scream.

* * *

“I used to try to buy friends. I'd get them anything they wanted and is it sad that until Rhodey came along I had no idea what real friendship was? I was a teenager when I met him.”

* * *

“I was often cruel to Loki when he upstaged me. I have always been quick to anger and I fear I will never forgive myself for the times I treated him with hostility.”

* * *

“I built my first weapon when I was seven”.

* * *

Tony hums a tune as he touches the keys of the piano. It's a simple, unadorned piano. Just a polished light wood, a shade too light to really match the other pieces of furniture. Tony doesn't mind. Since the arrests Vision has been in and out and since Rhodey has been making leeway with his new therapist, he's the only one around to judge.

“Are you going to play?”

Tony huffs out a laugh and then sighs. He eyes Thor, who he notices, is wearing the hot pink sweatpants again. Thor doesn't look like he expects anything grand from Tony, so Tony shrugs. “I can try?” He settles himself in and takes a few moments to press every key. Tony can't even remember how to tell if it's tuned correctly. Closing his eyes, he plays. He stumbles, and some keys are pressed harder than others, but, for the first time in years... Tony plays the piano.

* * *

“I don't know what you're doing Thor, but keep it up.” Thor looks to Rhodey, and then over to Tony. Tony, who has been trying with increased vigor to teach Vision every childhood board game. He's still subdued, but he's talking and it's more than he has been for weeks. Thor nods.

* * *

Peter shakes his head, he looks scared. “I can't, Mister Stark! What, what if something happens-I can't let you be held responsible for my mistakes!”

But Tony can taste copper and see's the beige sand underneath his feet. He's wasted his life already, but Peter hasn't. “Then be careful. Be accountable. These are not set in stone. It's a yearly contract with clauses to be able to break it early if you want to retire. But if you're out there fighting? If you're trying to do the right thing? Then you need to sign. We have to draw the line somewhere. You're used to working alone. I get that, believe me, I get that. But until you're comfortable unmasking or retiring, there has to be someone who can take the blame should you go sideways.” Tony takes a deep breath. “You want to do right by them? Whoever you promised yourself you'd do this for? Then sign these papers and go help people.”

* * *

“My mother was a shield-maiden. I learned most of my stealth from her.” Tony laughs, Thor, stealthy? “Ahh, well, I never was good at stealth.”

* * *

“I took Rhodey to disneyland when I was seventeen. We rode every ride and I made him help me get every disney princesses signature.”

“Disney princesses?”

A beat of silence. “I cannot wait to show you Tangled.”

* * *

“The taste of strawberries reminds me of my father. It's his favorite fruit. He'll deny it until the day he dies, I'm sure, but I think he likes them because my mother often wore a strawberry scent.”

* * *

“Thor!” and Tony's jumping up and down, excited. Even Vision, off to the side looks amused, “FRIDAY back-talked me! I'm so proud!” The bots are beeping to each other and rolling in circles trying to be the center of attention. U's camera catches Tony in the side and he lets himself fall to be on ground level with his kids. They're all growing up and he loves them so much.

It scares him how much he loves them.

* * *

Thor looks contrite when he corners Tony the next time. “I wish to help you.”

Tony doesn't know what he needs help with, but he nods. Thor relaxes a bit and Tony bites the proverbial bullet. “Help me with what?”

Thor looks at the floor. “My room is closest to yours. Vision is often away and James has been out more often than in his room.” Tony doesn't quite know where this is going. “You've taken to talking in your sleep.”

Tonys blood runs cold, “I'm sorry." Should he be though? Thor told him what it was, warned him he'd never escape and, "I-I'll set alarms I didn't know-”

But Thor cuts him off, “No! My friend, Tony, please. I wish to help. Can I, I will not try to wake you, I promise, but, can I be there for you?”

“Be there how?”

“In any way you need me.”

It doesn't sound so bad, having Thor there, but Tony feels bad. Thor had said he couldn't escape before-she'd never let him go. It's lesson after lesson in failure. How much time is Thor willing to dedicate? Even gods need sleep. “I wouldn't mind you helping me.” He finally admits, “But I don't want to keep you up.” Thor nods.

* * *

He stares through the portal back to the bunker. It seems too good to be true, no one being there. Tony slowly approaches the portal, and when no one jumps out at him, steps through it.

The bunker is empty, no Rogers, no Barnes, no Zemo. It's quiet and there's no one here. He could leave, but his feet take him to the edge of the bunker. Thor leans against the pillars, glowing golden in the dying sun. “Why have you come here?”

“I can't-I, I don't,” Tony doesn't know why he's here. “I don't want to be here anymore.”

“Then why do you keep coming back?” Thors voice is soft and Tony closes his eyes. A hand brushes his brow.

“Please.” Tony's voice is loud against the frozen Siberian silence.

* * *

“Pepper is the love of my life. She... she makes me want to be better but I don't think I can ever be better. Not the way she deserves.”

”She's been exposed to so many horrible things, people, because of me.” A helpless gesture of misery, “I'm no good for her.”

* * *

“I am terrified of leaving Midgard, so many things could befall Jane while I am gone. She is so fragile.” There's anger laced in Thors tone. “Why are humans so fragile?”

“Am I meant to lose everyone I love?”

* * *

“The last thing I did with my parents was argue. We were angry together, but, at least we were together...”

* * *

“I was too late to save my mother.” Thor stares at his hands, “What good is strength when it fails?”

* * *

“I'm afraid of failing the people I love. I'm afraid Pepper will never forgive me. I'm terrified Happy will leave. I'm scared I'm not doing enough for Rhodey.”

* * *

The bunker is cold. It's quiet but he doesn't move forward. He stares at the broken open doors, and watches. “I don't want to be here.”

Thor watches from beside Tony, a golden beacon in a gray world. “Then why are you here?”

Tony throws his hands in the air. “I don't _know_! I don't want to be here! I just, I don't know!” He presses his cold hands to his face. “I want to leave.”

Thor shifts next to him, brushing a hand across his temple. “All you have to do is ask.” His voice is soft, so soft Tony almost mistakes it for silence.

* * *

“I once dressed as a woman because I lost a bet to Sif.”

“Did you have fun?”

Thor rests his head on his cupped hand. “Yes... yes I did.”

* * *

“His name was Ho Yinsen. I owe everything I have become to him.” Tony doesn't quite cry when he explains what and who Yinsen was to him, but it's a close thing.

* * *

“Loki used to crawl into bed with me when he had bad dreams. I miss the days where he trusted me.”

* * *

“I set my first chem lab on fire when I was ten.”

“Loki set the dress of a visiting noble on fire once.” Tony laughs, deep from a place he hasn't laughed from in years, “In his defense the lady told my father I was simple.”

“Did he set people on fire often?”

“Only when they hurt my feelings.” Thor smiles. This memory doesn't hurt.

* * *

A news reporter ducks behind an overturned car and gestures wildly at the mess around himself. “Spider-Man is reportedly on scene, working in tandem with police to secure the scene. The suspects remain unidentified however and the villain 'Doc Ock' has recently joined the fray-”

* * *

Dream-Thor has taken to following him. It should bother Tony but he's bright and golden in a world full of black and gray. Tony doesn't move from where he stands outside the bunker. It's cold, and the snow seems to be piling up fast. It's a soft drifting of white flecks in and out of focus. He thinks he'll freeze to death.

He hears a gunshot and dies, staining the pure snow with his filthy blood.

* * *

“I dressed up as Captain America for Halloween for six years.” The memory is distorted now, a hazy feeling of wanting to meet Captain America tempered with the reality of having met the man.

* * *

“Loki used to let me cry in his rooms. My father... he is not big on showing weakness.”

* * *

“I used to wish that I was poor. It seems selfish now, with everything I've been given and had that I would give it all away... But, sometimes I wish my parents had loved me more than the money we had.”

Thor shifts, seemingly uncomfortable. “Is what James said true? That James Buchanan Son of Barnes murdered your parents? That _discovering_ that is what happened in Siberia?”

Tony sighs, “It was immature to attack them, I understand that, but I was so...” Tony trails off.

“You have strength of character that I do not.” Tony stills at Thors words. “If I was faced with the reason my mother is no longer with me, and could eek out my revenge? He would be dead.”

* * *

Tony munches on homemade mac and cheese. “I didn't know you could cook.”

Thor smiles, “I am told by the Lady Darcy that it is a necessary skill if I wish to properly take care of my Lady Jane.”

* * *

The bunker is cold. Tony walks forward, to the cryochambers. The monitor plays his mothers murder over and over and over again. Barnes stands next to the monitor, watching, watching, watching.

“I remember all of them.”

* * *

Rogers advances on him, Barnes is a silent shadow. “I don't want to be here.”

Thor, standing in front of him, raises a hand to his temple, fingers then dancing along the edge of his jaw. “Then why do you keep coming back?”

Rogers walks through Thor followed by Barnes, he raises his shield. “I don't know. But. I don't want to be here.” The fight begins and it's brutal and it's bloody. Tony cannot stop himself or them but he keeps his eyes locked onto Thors.

“Please.” He whispers uselessly.

“You have to ask.” Thors whisper is lost among the clang of armor.

* * *

“I dream of a war on a cold wasteland.” The confession is spoken softly into Thors shoulder.

Thors confession is whispered into Tony's hair. “I dream of a time where Loki chose me.”

* * *

Tony watches Thor debate with Rhodey. The Avengers have been working with the UN to find common ground and Rhodey can't figure out if he should keep going or not. “I mean, I can get into the armor now and I can fight in it. I just... I don't know if I want to.”

Thor nods, “It's understandable. The others have crossed a line that aught not to have been crossed. How can you trust them? Or even more, their leadership?”

Rhodey nods, “Yeah, that's pretty much it. I don't know if I can work with Rogers. And Barnes... I don't think I can.”

* * *

Tony kicks his feet lightly off the rungs of the bar stool. Watching Thor cook has become very therapeutic to him. The smells mingling with whatever tune Thor hums seems to sooth Tonys very soul. He can hear Dum-E in the background beeping at Vision, who answers in time. "Do you think I have an ego, Thor?"

"I think every person has an ego. Is it not natural? We are proud of what we create." Thor rolls his shoulders and moves to stir another simmering pot. "Why do you ask?"

"Romanov... she..." Tony steels himself, Thor was understanding about Wilson, maybe he'll see his side in this too. "She had a chance to take Rogers and Barnes in, but let them go instead. Then, when I went to her, she said _we_ played this wrong. My plan maybe wasn't the best but at least I filled everyone in on all the parts. She betrayed me!" It's a venomous outburst, and Tony feels the hole in his sternum pulse, "I thought I could trust her to make the judgment call. In the end when I called her out on being a spy, asked her if it was hard to shake the double agent blood, she asked me why I couldn't let go of my ego for even a second." This bit is said softer, shame coating the words.

Thor hums for a moment. "I do not think that ego plays into this. The Widow used you, this I am certain of. James and Vision have told me about the circumstances of your war and her betrayal. I am... _disappointed_ in her decision to say the least. Even if it has been proven that Barnes did not attack the UN, she should have known better. You have every right to feel your trust was violated." Thor covers the pot he's working on and moves to grab a strainer. "The least she could have done was support you in believing that you would have had a proper investigation done to finalize on Barnes innocence or guilt. It seems odd to me that she would trust you in the armor but not out of it."

Tony can't help but find that funny. "Iron Man yes, Tony Stark not recommended."

* * *

“Boss?”

“FRIDAY?”

“It's really quiet.”

“Yeah, it is." Tony finishes the final plans to a possible addition to the mansion. "Do... Do you want me to talk?”

“If you don't mind.” Tony smiles, and thinks back to the first time JARVIS spoke to him like this.

“Well, did you know that I've never been to Ireland? You think I would've gone but I've never managed to make it.”

* * *

“Lay down.” Tony raises an eyebrow but lays down on the couch. Vision drapes himself over him and after adjusting to the weight Tony cautiously raises a hand to rub his back.

“Trouble in paradise?” Vision has been practically living at the UN. A counter measure to the other Avengers not quite having signed the Accords.

“Wanda...” and Tony stiffens, “She wants to speak with me. Often.” Tony forces himself to relax.

“Do you want to talk to her?” Vision closes his eyes as Tonys hand rubs a little harder.

“I can't... What she did to me... What she did to all of us...” Vision keeps his eyes closed and Tony doesn't press the issue.

There's silence and then, “I missed you.” Vision opens his eyes at Tony's voice. He looks up and Tony smiles down at him. It's a small smile, like drops of happiness down a valley of sorrow.

“I missed you too.”

Rhodey finds them asleep hours later.

* * *

“So.” Tony looks up at Rhodey, who has more than his game face on. “So.”

“Yes, you said that.” Tony stretches, saving his work. “What time is it FRIDAY?”

“It's four forty-seven in the afternoon Boss.” _Ahh, quittin' time then._

Tony looks back to Rhodey, “What's up?”

“Are you staying on with the Avengers?”

Tony flinches. “I... I don't know.” It's not something he's thought about. Whereas Rhodey has been discussing the matter with Vision and Thor on a regular basis, Tony has gone the ignore-it-until-it-goes-away route. Rhodey steps closer, arms wrapping around Tony and Tony clings back.

* * *

He's lying, cold and forgotten. Barnes and Rogers are gone. Thor sits next to him. He can't remember how he got here and he doesn't know why he can't leave.

Thors hand brushes his hairline. “You don't have to suffer alone.” He meets Tony's eyes. “All you have to do is ask.”

Tony is cold but Thor is warm. He's just so tired.

* * *

“Hey Rhodey, Rhodey, Rhodey, Rhode-”

“ **Yes** Tony?”

Tony goes to ask him how the newest braces are wearing for him. “I love you.” Comes out instead.

But Rhodey smiles and his posture softens, “I love you too.”

* * *

He dreams of the wormhole. Everyone is dead and Rhodey is falling. He's yelling, screaming and he runs, trying to reach him.

Rogers knocks him back to the wall of the bunker. Barnes lifts his rifle and squeezes the trigger.

* * *

It's still dark out when Tony stumbles into the kitchen. He gathers himself enough to get the first cup of coffee but he doesn't get around to drinking it. He leans against the counter and lets the smell wake him up.

He feels weight drape across his back and Thor rests his chin on Tony's head. “The world has been cruel to you Tony.”

* * *

“Thor?”

Thor looks up, “Yes?”

“Why do you have hot pink sweatpants?”

Thors laugh is loud and unexpected. “If you want to know, you'll need to sit. It's a lengthy tale.”

* * *

Tony corners Rhodey in the lounge, “I'm retiring.”

Rhodey swallows his mouthful of coffee, “Okay.” He looks closer at Tony. “You're allowed to retire Tony.” Tony nods.

“I'm retiring.” He says again.

* * *

“Spider-Man on scene with police to discuss extraction of hostages, the suspect-” A loud clang from across the lab makes Tony jump and look around. U lowers it's camera as Butterfingers slowly wheels backwards. Dum-E lifts the blender off the floor and places it back on the counter. Tony lets his head fall back against the couch before turning his attention back to the news report. “-an has gone in to see what can be gained information wise. Still, no one person or group has come forward to claim responsibility. We'll be back with more as the situation develops.” The television cuts back to the newsroom and Tony sighs. Different groups are popping up everywhere in light of the Avengers being AWOL. The world is less safe than it was before.

* * *

“Why do you keep coming back here?”

“I don't know.” and it's a sob, ripped from his throat. “I don't want to be here.”

Thors fingers trail along his hairline.

* * *

It's been a long day, officially getting his retirement had been harder than he had thought it would be. After three hours of debating and compromise all Tony wants is to do sit next to Rhodey and watch whatever he's watching.

But of course the other Avengers coming in would ruin that.

Rogers blames him, attacks him. He feels small under Rogers anger. But he didn't know about Rhodey and Vision. So they argue, they argue and it's ugly when Tony says the witch can have a turn in his head.

She doesn't take the bait. She avoids all of their gazes, which is probably best with the radiating hostility Vision sends her way.

Barnes stands stock still in the background, staring. He's quiet and assessing and Tony feels a chill in the air.

But Tony can't help but feel warm when Vision and Rhodey leave with him. _His family._

* * *

“The world has not been kind to you Tony.”

“Ahh, well, I've not exactly been a kind person.” But Thor _is_ kind. “I understand now y'know. It's obvious why you loved Loki, I've never had a brother. I wonder if I would have been less lonely growing up if I had had one.”

A pause, “I was wrong Tony. My mother would not have liked you, she would have **loved** you."

“I wish I had had the chance to meet her."

* * *

There are nights where Tony dies before Thor can say a word to him. But tonight is a night where Thor tells Tony he can ask- _for what?_ \- and Tony wanders around looking for Rogers and Barnes. He doesn't wake up until he dies and Tony doesn't really feel like freezing to death tonight.

But Tony very rarely gets his way.

* * *

“Tony?” Her voice is soft and when Tony turns around she's there. Solid, real, alive and _there_.

“Pep?” Tony's gaze slides to the man next to her. “Happy?”

“Yeah, how've you been boss?”

Tony laughs until he cries.

* * *

Pepper and Happy sit down with him. When he's finally stopped making a mess of himself they just sit, quiet and together. “I missed you.” He says, “I missed your steady presence at my side. I love you.” to Pepper and “I've missed your solid strength, I've felt lost at sea without it.” to Happy.

They talk, for hours, they talk. All the different things Tony wants to do now. All the things Pepper's in the middle of wrapping up. Happy's newest television show. How badly Tony misses simple office work. They smile when he says that, and Pepper reaches out to brush her fingers down the side of his face.

“I love you too.” She doesn't make any promises. He loves her even more for that.

* * *

Peter has a cut on his forehead but he bounces around the R&D department. Since the Accords have been sorted out he's come out of his shell, challenging everything and making a general nuisance of himself. Tony smiles with delight as he pokes holes in the theories of one of his longest standing researchers.

* * *

Tony shuffles awkwardly from side to side, “I'm sorry Thor.”

Thor looks up from the show he's watching, startled. “You have nothing to be sorry for friend, what troubles you?”

“Working with Rogers, it must be hard, and it's my fault.”

“No, it is not your fault. Any awkwardness felt is not on my behalf. Besides, Rogers was supposed to be a- ahhh...”

“Be a?”

Thor smiles ruefully. “I was going to say he was supposed to be a better brother to you.”

Tonys never had a brother but he thinks he's done alright with Thor.

* * *

"You can ask, all you have to do is ask."

But Tony doesn't know what he's supposed to ask for. A quicker death? A more permanent one? He walks from alien rock to bunker and back again. Where are they?

* * *

“So...” Visions voice interrupts Tony's thoughts. When he turns, Rhodey is smirking behind his hands. “Do I call Mrs. Potts mom now?”

Tony chokes on an answer he doesn't have.

* * *

Pepper walks in on him arguing with Vision and FRIDAY. “You!” Tony says, pointing a finger at Vision, “Are teaching her bad habits! Admit it!” His voice is filled with laughter.

Vision smiles, a twist to his lips, “I have no idea what you're talking about, _dad_ , are you sure she didn't learn it watching you?”

Peppers laughter startles them and Tony turns, blushing red when, “Ahhh, **Ma's** here Vision, guess we should let the adults talk.” Peppers eyes widen and she laughs harder.

* * *

He finishes systematically cutting ties with anything Avenger related. Within the week it's all done and barring a world crisis, he won't be sent out into the field. So, suddenly, Tony has a lot of free time. He goes to board meetings and he does R&D work and gets everything turned in on time. But, still, it's a lot of time.

He spends a lot of time shooting the shit with Rhodey and watching bad sci-fi movies with Vision.

* * *

Happy walks in and out of their house, with or without Pepper. It's nice, to have him around again. They eat junk food and watch TV and make nuisances of themselves. Finally, when he's arguing with Vision on exactly how ridiculous a sharknado would be Happy walks in and clears his throat.

Tony feels himself light up, “Happy!” and then, more suspiciously, “Why are you dressed like that?”

Happy smiles wide, spreading his hands out, showcasing his workout gear. “Well, I need a boxing partner.”

Tony thinks about arguing. He's thinner and more skeletal than he's ever been. He doesn't know how long he'll last. But he caves, missing the aimless times spent in the ring with Happy.

* * *

Three days later Happy helps Tony annoy Rhodey into joining them in the gym. It's the most home-like the mansion has ever felt.

* * *

Tony slouches in his seat before sending the bots to bed. It's late, he's tired and maybe he's worked hard enough for dreamless sleep. It comes and goes now, the dreams. He wonders idly if Thor sits by his bed banishing dreams like a lifelike dreamcatcher. Snatching the dreams out of this air and banishing them with thunder. He snorts, the lack of sleeping getting to him in more ways than one.

* * *

The Siberian air cuts through the wormhole. Tony watches from an alien rock, far away from home, as the snow gathers over the broken doors of the bunker. He's alone, no one's dead. No one's chasing him. Thor sits off to his left, watching.

“I want to go home.”

* * *

Thor splits his time between the new Avengers and the mansion. For all of his talk of shipping out to the tower, Tony suddenly can't imagine living there again. The mansion has become his home. It's not perfect but it's home.

“Where's Pepper?”

Happy looks up from the paper, “You just missed her, she went out with Vision.”

Tony thinks on it for a moment, “Are they going to that new art showing at-”

Happy smiles into his coffee as Rhodey cuts him off, “Yes Tony, they both totally got the hints that you think they should spend some time together.”

“I was subtle!”

Thor snorts, “You were not.”

Tony smiles.

* * *

“How did something like that even happen?”

“Well, funny story... As it turns out Sirens _don't_ like when you compliment their natural form.” Thor grumbles something colorful under his breath. “I thought that by insulting Sif I would be helping our cause but then it just became the men versus the Sirens.”

“Did you rescue her?”

Thor rubs the back of his head. “Sif actually joined the Sirens in beating us.”

* * *

“What's up with all the food?”

“Vision told me that you and Thor have been cooking together. I think it's great,” and she must because Pepper has clearly bought the entirety of a grocery store. Tonys never seen so many raw colors intermingled together. It's a kaleidoscope of vegetables. “So I thought we should cook when he's not here.” She covers her mouth, a smile spreading behind her hand, “Call it family bonding.”

Visions voice causes Tony to jump, “Excellent, FRIDAY, would you be so kind as to find a new recipe we can try?”

“Sure thing!” Her voice is musical and within moments she has a recipe of a simple stew for them to try. It's odd to Tony, moving around with three other people in the kitchen, voices raised and lowered as conversations drift. He's being handed things left and right and... it doesn't bother him.

He steps away for a moment and holds a hand to his sternum. He thinks he can still feel the false cover, but... it doesn't hurt. He takes a deep breath and re-enters the kitchen.

* * *

Over the next few weeks the mansion becomes a clutter of color and shapes. The designer browns and grays are covered with bright mismatched colors and nick-knacks. The table legs become scuffed and the top begins to look worn. The dishes pile cleaned or dirtied, there's too many dishes and pots and pans for there to be any order. Tony gets video-game consoles and they have movie nights and he has dish-duty every Wednesday but it's the best thing ever.

The bedrooms begin to sprawl into one another. Half the time they sleep on the couches after movie night and every Saturday they make blanket forts and watch cartoons. Tony doesn't realize he's ended up with Thors pillow, Happys blanket and Visions comforter until he wakes up one Sunday and realizes they don't match. Nothing matches anymore, and that suits Tony fine.

Tony knows without a doubt this is what a home feels like.

* * *

“What are you doing here Thor?”

“What are _you_ doing here? I think that is the more important question.”

Tony shakes his head, “No... it's my nightmare, you shouldn't be here. I'm not afraid of you anymore.”

A sad look crosses Thors face, “Can I not be here for my brother?”

Tony shrugs and steps into the bunker. Once he starts moving he can't stop and history repeats itself.

* * *

Thors eyes light up, “Maria of the Hills tells me of a carted Mario. She says this game, on the most colorful of roads, will give me the true measurement of our friendship.”

Tony bites his lip, “Thor... Rainbow Road destroys friendships.”

* * *

“Loki would have loved this.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

* * *

“Tones, look, you can talk all you want but I think we all know who the king is.”

“We talking Elvis or Michael?”

“Oh, it's gunna be like that?”

* * *

“What is that?”

“Well... it's supposed to be a blanket... I think I did it wrong.”

“You... crocheted a blanket?”

“Pep says I need new hobbies.”

“You... crocheted a blanket... because Pepper said so.” Tony nods, that sums it up really.

* * *

He steps through the portal and ends up in Siberia. The silence is deafening. He can hear the crunch of snow as Thor follows him. He swallows his fear and steps into the bunker. It's empty. When he gets to the edge, the end as it were, there's nothing but a snow covered floor.

“What do you want, Tony?”

Tony looks over at Thor. “I want to go home.”

The frozen, desolate landscape is a wasteland. There is no life here. No laughter or happiness. No color, no brightness, no chance. This place only brings him pain.

“Why are you here?”

Tony looks around, finally sits on the edge of the bunker. “I don't know.” A several story drop is before him and a concrete prison is behind him. “I should be here. I know... I deserve this. Right?"

* * *

“Game of Thrones?”

“It's not quite my standard but there's nothing else on.”

“I like Jon Snow.”

“I like Sansa, she knows how to be a lady. I appreciate her juxtaposed against Arya, they're both wonderful.”

Tony turns back to the TV, Happy next to him. He nods, this is good.

* * *

Happy pins Tony to the mat. With a grunt, Tony braces his foot on Happys thigh and kicks away, breaking Happys hold. He rolls over to get up and rolls right off the edge of the ring. He lands, stunned, before he bursts out laughing.

* * *

Tony looks around at his family. “I think we can do it.”

Pepper snickers while Vision lets himself lean into Happy. Rhodey looks to Thor, the paint buckets and then back to Tony. “We're going to... paint the outside of our house? Every color?”

“Well, I couldn't pick.” At Rhodeys disbelieving look he defends himself, “Hey! You'd have a hard time deciding too! Have you ever been to a paint store? There's a lot! You know... paint...”

Thor shrugs, “Can I paint protective symbols?”

Tony looks at the house, plain white on a block full of white houses. It _matches_ and Tony doesn't want anything to match ever again. So he nods, “Go crazy.”

Thor dedicates an entire wall to writing out what he declares is a protective barrier against this and other-worldly threats and every wall is a different mesh of colors. It's pretty, in a Jackson Pollock kind of way, and Tony couldn't love it more. After days, when they finally finish, and after the different news stations have taken as many pictures of their paint wars as possible Tony takes as many steps back as he can and stares at their creation.

Happy joins him. “We should do the gardens too, yeah? They seem a little too nice now.” Tony can't help but agree.

* * *

The days bleed into each other. It's a haze of domestic bliss, it's something Tony never thought he'd get.

* * *

“You shouldn't have to suffer like this.” Thors voice echos in the enclosed space. Tony thinks it might sound sad but he's bleeding out into his suit and can't really define shapes... or see anything of Thor but a golden smear. He's just so tired.

Its getting harder and harder for Tony to find Barnes and Rogers. He can't wake up until he dies, or is left for dead, and sometimes he just freezes, looking around a desolate bunker for people who want him dead.

“You should leave this place.”

Tony smiles, feeling the weight of his guilt. “I'm trying.”

* * *

The gardens are a patchy, colorful wonderland. None of the flowers sit in any order and the grass hasn't been cut in two weeks. Tony lays back and lets the sun shine on his face. Pepper and Vision discuss the newest phone Stark Industries put out and whether or not they should make it black or white.

Tony looks over to their house. “Make it colorful.” They both pause. “Make them colorful.”

* * *

Tony watches with unrestrained glee as Dum-E terrorizes his R&D department. He's never thought of bringing the bots to SI, but... bring your child to work day isn't something he wanted to miss. U and Butterfingers are more sedate, inspecting everything with an air of careful curiosity. “You didn't have to come, I know the UN wanted you to deal with them.”

There's a smile is Visions voice. “And miss this?” There's a yell and the room fills with beeps. Tony looks over and laughs. Dum-E found the fire extinguisher. 

* * *

The television is on mute, a running commentary along the bottom of the screen. “Spider-Man Saves the Day!” with footage of his last battle. Tony feels his body relax as the news shows reel after reel of Spider-Man leaving the scene. Parker's fine.

* * *

Two weeks later the SI release is finalized along with the newest tablets and computers. All of them are gaudy with unprecedented color combinations. Some of them look like paint splatters, others look tie-dye and some even have odd shaped lines or symbols on them. It takes Tony a few hours to realize Pepper put patterns from the house on them.

* * *

Tony stares in shock at Thor. “I didn't know... how?” Thor keeps himself still, “If I move, will something else...?”

“I didn't think that static cling would...” Tony takes another look around, “Wow. So... we need a new microwave...”

Thor gives Tony a small smile. “I'm... sorry?” But Tony laughs, who could have seen that coming?

* * *

“Okay, finished!”

Thor nods, feeling the softness of the yarn. Tonys gotten better at blankets and has recently started finding patterns online. It's a king size blanket that had taken Tony almost three weeks. He's been crocheting instead of working, and he knows Pepper is going to be disappointed, but this pattern _had_ to be done.

“Does that... blanket have Thor on it?” Speak of the devil.

* * *

Pepper stands still when she sees the rest of the blankets Tonys made. She bites her lip, “This is why the phone upgrade was late?”

Tony nods, “Yes, I _may_ have gone a little overboard. But, the patterns looked fun. Now we all have blankets with ourselves on them!” Except for FRIDAY who has a multicolored blanket with FRIDAY in big black letters on it over the couch.

Pepper fails at holding in a laugh, “Can I have the Iron Man one?”

* * *

Tony can't find them tonight. He walks and walks and walks, but only Thor is there.

* * *

Tony folds the blankets and drapes them along the back of the couch. As he works, the steady sound of water from the kitchen lets Tony know Rhodey must be doing dishes and a hum from down the hall must mean Vision is doing laundry. Or maybe Rhodey is doing laundry and Vision is doing dishes.

Either way when Tony is done and stretches up on his toes, letting his back pop in a satisfying line down his spine, he walks into the kitchen to grab the grocery list. There's new dishes to cook and a lack of ingredients to cook with. Rhodey smiles and waves off his offer to join Tony shopping. "I just finished cleaning these man, you think I'm gunna help you dirty them again?"

There's laughter in his eyes and his gait is steady as a mountain as he walks down the hallway yelling. "Hey Vision! Can you believe that!?"

And because Vision hears everything, "Yes." and then, "I'd like to get more honey." Rhodey sighs, exaggerated as he walks back down the hallway and drops himself on the sofa.

"Well, don't mind me. Hey FRIDAY, what do you think we should watch?"

* * *

It's a lazy day, warm on the cusp of being too hot, but there's a breeze. Tony watches Pepper lay in the sun, eyes on her tablet. She's reading, giggling every few sentences. Tony wonders if it's one of those cheap, tacky romance novels she loves to make fun of. Or if it's a gossip website.

Happy dozes in the shade, half awake after every downward jerk of his head. It's nice to see him relaxed. Tony looks around, letting his gaze drift over the lawn, the flowers, the small pond they'd all agreed to put in. He's restless in a way he hasn't been in a long time. Tony isn't allowed to crochet any more blankets and cross stitch was nixed after one to many stabs to his thumbs. But it's nice enough to be lazy and Tony lets his eyes flutter closed.

* * *

He dreams of snow falling, falling, falling. There's only a moment of pain in this dream, the viciousness seems forced, over too quick. Bloody lips rasp a soft song from long ago and Tony watches as the snow dances above him. It's just enough to distract him from the cold beneath.

* * *

Tony watches Thor cook, he watches Pepper work and he watches Vision talk with FRIDAY. He watches Rhodey whenever Rhodey isn't watching him and he watches Happy whenever Happy is home. There's a feeling in his chest, when he watches these people, his family. It feels like his sternum is full, but it isn't pulsing, it isn't hot and angry. It's soft, and light. It doesn't put pressure on his already delicate rib-cage.

It makes him feel free.

* * *

Rogers snarls at him, Barnes shielded from view. It's odd, how little Tony wants to do with them. He had thought, once upon a time, that he would carry a torch of anger like his father had carried a torch of hope for Captain America. For the Winter Solider. But it's cold and Tony is tired of this place. Tonight will be a quick night. To wake up already on the edge, poised in the calm of the storm. Soon, he will wake and be allowed to begin his day. Rogers is angry, shouting something but Tony ignores him in favor of looking at Thor. Thor, who just looks so sad.

Thor, who looks at Tony with the same kind of misery you look at a dying loved one with. He imagines that this must be awful for Dream-Thor, who just wants him to ask. Ask, ask, ask.

“I want to go home Thor.”

“You don't need to suffer anymore.” Thor agrees.

There's a moment of vertigo, where Tonys vision is split. He can both see and not see the great expanse of snow. Rogers voice is muffled and the gunshot that rings out seems distant as Tony looks at Thor. Thor smiles but doesn't speak. It's cold, here in the bunker. Snow swirls between the pillars and cascades along the floor. It's a constant flow of give and take. One white design quickly overtaken with another. It's a painting in motion.

They just pained their picket fence yesterday. As a family.

Tony looks again at the monochrome bunker. There's no color here. There's no life here. He feels as washed out as the walls he stands in front of. Rough, like he himself has had years of snow and ice to whether him to his bones. There is no life here and he wants to go home. Home, where there's color and laughter, where the wind is soft in his hair and the sun is warm on his face. Where he has the people who care for him and who he cares for around him. He just wants to go home.

And suddenly, Tony gets it. “I only have to ask." Thor is watching him intently, “Thor, I want to go home.” Rogers and Barnes fade from the background and the bunker starts to slowly fade out as well. He holds a hand out. “Help me?”

Thor moves forward, takes his hand and with the other trails golden fingers along Tonys brow. His smile is the last thing Tony sees before he closes his eyes.

* * *

Tony wakes up to the sunlight on his face.

It's a slow awakening, limbs still heavy with the last tendrils of sleep. Tony debates going back to sleep before getting up to find Thor. It's still early and his feet are silent on the hardwood floors. He finds Thor sitting on the couch, leaning back and watching the sun rise through the windows. He's cast in a golden light.

Thor shifts to face him and after a few moments pats the couch next to him. So Tony sits. “Tony?”

“What happened?”

Thor laughs, a small breathy sigh, “You were punishing yourself. We could all see it. You were punishing yourself and you wouldn't ask for the help that you needed. You weren't ready to forgive yourself.”

“How did you make the nightmare stop?”

Thor smiles, “I did not do anything. My mother was a healer and I learned much from her. The first rule of healing, however, is that one cannot be healed unless they truly want to be healed. You were not ready, but, I made sure I was there for when you were. I could not stop the nightmares Tony and for that I am sorry. But once you were ready, I could lead you away from them.”

Tony leans against Thors side, “I didn't notice at first y'know. With the witch, I felt wrong, but you... I didn't notice it was strange until I thought about it.” He exhales, letting his eyes slip closed again. “Thank you.”

“Anything, for my brother.”

* * *

Tony goes back to sleep. He doesn't dream.

**Author's Note:**

> This one kicked my ass, I spent two months tweaking it but I'm done.  
> There's only one part left to this series. Thanks to everyone that's commented and kudos'ed After.
> 
> Visit me on [tumblr](http://casualfarming.tumblr.com/)?


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